Riding a rainbow caterpillar...

Today I had one of those moments where I stood back mentally to look around the room and I was struck by how people were engaged and palpably enjoying themselves in an environment that I had helped create for them. Creativity and conversation and collaboration were all in the air. Not loud but visible and tangible. It flowed with ease around me. And I was at ease. I felt alive and actively tuned in but calm and contained all at the same time.

It was only a moment and then, I was back in my head - attentive, listening and gathering my thoughts; thinking about what we were going to do next; considering how I would frame that to maintain the energy and also move us on; calculating the time we still had to work together; planning to take action... but for that moment, I was still. And it felt good. Like Tango, when it works. That rare (for me) instant when it all comes together in what I describe to myself as "glide". Grounded but light and floating all at the same time. Ease.

Bizarrely, as I was reflecting on this on the train home, I felt tears surface. I'm not entirely sure what that was about. Maybe relief that it's still possible to find that space. Maybe a sense of how rare it is and how I much I missed it when it wasn't part of my working life for so long. Perhaps just reliving the pleasure of it. Maybe overwhelmed with how lucky and thankful I am that I get to do work I love. Possibly exhaustion heightening all the emotions disproportionately. Probably a combination of these.

Either way, when I was reviewing the event photographs this evening, I found this one on my phone of somebody's tabletop creation and it summed it up for me... riding a giant rainbow caterpillar with a big smile on my face. Easily. That's kinda how it felt. Weird, I know. But true.

And now it's the weekend! That makes me happy too.

Space for sitting and for sparkle...

We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

Anton Chekhov

It was a very busy week. Mad busy. Two big events back-to-back to plan for, elusive clients and less than ideal locations for practical accessibility (although I'm hoping next week's Scottish loch-side gig will be as beautiful as it is remote). Despite long days that often rolled on into the night too, I spent a large part of the time working with my laptop on my lap. And my feet up. Mostly in bare feet. Sitting in my office, on the floor, on my bed, on the sofa... moving around from room to room whilst trying to work out a design dilemma in my head or wrestle arrangements into a neat plan.... Music or late-night silence in the background, tea always at hand and mascara-less for days in a row, it felt less like hard work than it otherwise might've. I haven't quite struck the balance yet but when I can do this, like this, I'm reminded why this new lifestyle's a better choice for me. Worth riding out the storms for.

I did make time to paint my toes too - always space for that frivolous indulgence! There haven't been many stars visible around here (that'd be due to the continuing and relentless cloud cover in the UK Midlands) so I created some tiny constellations of my own. Hard to capture in a photograph but they sparkle all silveryblackblue, turquoise, pink and purple... Disco Ball over Midnight Skinny Dip, which sounds like a perfect Summer's night to me, although far from the truth of what I'm up to. My starlight toes delight me though and sad but true that I sat for a few minutes last night fixated on wiggling them in the candlelight to make them twinkle. I even contemplated taking a little video to do them true justice, 'though you'll be relieved to hear that sense prevailed. I'd like to blame it on the tiredness kicking in but am not sure it wasn't just an, "Ooooh, look at the pretty!" moment that had nothing to do with fatigue. I'm glad no-one saw me doing it. But now you know.

Anyway, on that note of silliness, I hope that whatever you're up to, you have a lovely weekend in store. With perhaps a bit of sparkle added - inside or out!

A fortnight in February...

Ordering supplies - who knew big, juicy marker pens came in such delicious colours?!

Champagne brunch - a friendly celebration for two.

Meandering - genuinely random and aimless wandering, just for pleasure.

Textured beauty and blue skies - Italian style.

Playing with paint - layers and layers of colour and messy fun!

Real, fresh, local food that morphs into...

...lunch for one - an island of blissful solitude in a busy week.

Retail therapy - shopping for others is the best kind of shopping.

Heart-ache - lonely in a crowd is the worst kind of lonely. The worst. No tears allowed.

Kindness from near strangers - a brief conversation in an airport lounge and a surprise in the post.

Amaretti nougat - freshly made, every mouthful heavenly!

The ugly truth

Some days:

~ I spend the whole day in my pyjamas not because it's a lovely leisurely thing to do (although I do that too) but because I just don't have the energy or the inclination to get dressed.

~ I eat bits of cheese, biscuits and leftover Christmas fruitcake because my fridge is bare and I can't be bothered to leave my flat to restock it. And they don't need to be cooked.

~ I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because I've just done the most stupid thing ever and left a regular income and a 'good' job for a life of insecure everything. Idiot!

~ I don't feel in the least bit brave and independent and I'd give anything to have someone who would at least share the load if not carry it entirely for a while. And by 'load' I mean everything-little-thing, including changing lightbulbs and buying milk.

~ I wonder if I will ever be kissed again and the thought that I might not be makes me cry.

~ I really, really don't want to speak to anyone but I am cross because no one phones me so that I can let their call go to voicemail.

~ I do feel sad and sorry for myself and tempted to just wallow around in it despite how ridiculous it is and all that I know I have to be grateful for.

~ I dislike myself intensely for all of these things.

Not every day. Not even many days. But some days.

Fortunately, as my Nana always said, "Tomorrow is another day..."

Moody

You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.

Pema Chödrön

People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.

Elizabeth Gilbert

Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.

Maya Angelou

You might like to do whatever the blog-reading equivalent is for sticking your fingers in your ears and going la-lalala-la from this point on because this is almost certainly going to sound ungrateful, if not a bit whinge-y.

So you know how I have this fantastic time to devote to doing only what I need to do - rest, reflect, restore... establish what it is I'd like in my future and design a new life plan around that?  Great, right? I'm in a beautiful place, surrounded by people I love and who support me, and I'm liberated from the daily grind of work for a while. How very fortunate I am. Yes. Absolutely.

So why do I feel so lousy right now? I'm still struggling to sleep so I'm tired and quite grouchy because of that. But it's not just this - I'm feeling deeply resistant, fearful and frustrated. I feel the pressure of time running away all too fast and overwhelmed by the scale of the changes it's becoming apparent I need to make. Add to that the guilt of ingratitude, and it's not a pretty emotional picture. 

I know what's going on here. I do enough change support work with others to recognise the symptoms of that ol' curve and I kinda wish the knowledge was enough to allow me to bypass the grotty bits but that's not how it works either. So all I can do really is ride it out. And look for constructive ways to help me keep moving on through it... getting stuck is not an option.

Today though, I think I'm just going to curl up under a blanket, drink tea, watch a happy-ending movie (or two) and have an afternoon nap.

I'll pick up the journey again tomorrow...

Sabbatical skies (one)

You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.

Toni Morrison

True that it's sometimes easier said than done; I'm pretty certain easier is not the way to go now though.

Flights of fancy...

The journey starts with...

   a dream dared,
   a wish aired,
   conversations shared,
   a mission crafted,
   a plan drafted,
   fears broached,
   the edge approached,

   wings unfurled...

Or at least, it did for me.

Last weekend I visited a lovely place, several lovely places in fact, but the facade on this building for Seven Stories, archive for Children's literature, got me thinking about how ideas that seem entirely fanciful to begin with can actually take shape in the world and start journeys of transformation. For me, it's something small and personal in the shape of a sabbatical (have I mentioned that it's only two weeks to go? ;) For others it's been global cultural shifts, wonderful technologies, art that takes the breath away, cures for disease, environmental projects... so many, many much bigger, more important and broadly enriching things in the world. But they all began with what probably amounted to a fanciful thought. Probably were considered fanciful. At least by some who first heard them. 

This building and what it houses is one of those ideas made real. My mad plan to jump off a secure platform into an unexplored void is another. Being prompted to think of these things anew gives me hope of success though, reminds me that dreamers have a place and that dreams do come true. Flight happens, whether literal or figurative, and it often lands us in new and delightful places. 

Isn't that amazing?!

Of course, the all-important final step, is to leap...

(Fortunately, the success of my imminent flight is not dependent on my poetry skills!)

View from Coach B...

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.

Toni Morrison

(1931)

Friday again, and another week closer to the first day of my s.s.s.sab.b.atical. Only three working weeks to go now and I'm allowing myself to begin feeling truly excited about it. It's bubbling up and overflowing more and more and I find it hard not to wish the time away or do the occasional little breakout dance as I leave a particularly demotivating meeting thinking, "soon, very soon, I will not have to worry about all this...". I can't deny that I'm pleased to be escaping (and yes, it does feel like an escape) but don't like having to leave colleagues behind to tackle the challenges unsupported and it just feels quite insensitive to be openly looking forward to the date I go. So I keep it in (unless someone asks me directly) and I still have so much to do before I leave my desk behind for a while, that I can't afford to let go of the professional rigour just yet, tempting as it might be. I've been trying really hard to focus on staying present and tying remaining tasks up beautifully, so that I can leave it all neatly done or handed over. I'm starting to accept (or have to acknowledge at least) that there will always be more to do and that there are a couple of things on which I am dependent, and over which I have little or no influence (let alone control) that are looking likely to be delayed beyond my deadline date. This means that one or two items on my list might not be done in time, or not be as far progressed as I had hoped. I don't like this at all but it's the reality of collaborative working sometimes. I'm trying not to let my frustration with these things overshadow the amazing reality of the dream that's about to come true for me. 

Plan B (brave, bold and beautiful) is unfolding... 

A few issues have cropped up that I could do without having to deal with, and that I've not accounted for in the plan at all. This week, for example, I had a problem in my apartment, resulting in way too much time wasted spent on customer service calls and waiting in for plumbers. This is still not entirely resolved but progress is being made and I believe a flood has been averted. I've also been somewhat distracted by a nasty kidney infection, which has not stopped me from working but has had me feeling pretty blah. I didn't help by insisting that if I ignored it, it would just go away. It responded by digging in and shouting more loudly for attention with some quite severe discomfort, a temperature, fever, chills... general grottiness. I finally relented and now have muti to sort it out and to mask the pain properly in the meantime, so that's good.

My head is swirling with clichés about obstacles overcome making for better, richer experience and I know that clichés generally become clichés because they are true but I'd also not mind a little "plain sailing" type change, for a change. I'd like to be able to just enjoy it. Relish the excitement. Look to the new world.

Throughout the week, through the frustration and the irritation and the pain, the thing that's been singing out to me most clearly though is how, in three short weeks, my life is going to be different. That it's going to present opportunities to make permanent changes. That changes are already being felt. It's scary, no doubt. It will continue to be unpredictable in part, and almost certainly frustrating sometimes, but mostly, it's exciting. 

Different. Whatever the unknown brings, and however turbulent the change might be, that feels like a good thing. A great thing.

I'm surrendering to the wind.... 

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're up to, you have a brilliant Friday and a lovely weekend! I'm going to start mine with a little breakout dance. With sing-along. On the outside (well, alone in my flat) and loudly (very!). Maybe to this old favourite.

At the heart of it...

[Wo]Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live. 

Margaret Fuller 

(1810-1850) 

Without work, all life goes rotten. But when work is soulless, life stifles and dies. 

Albert Camus 

(1913-1960)

I have to work. Putting a roof over my head and all that boring stuff pretty much requires it. That's okay, I don't mind. I buy the occasional lottery ticket and dream of how I would spend the jackpot gazillions (a beautiful remote spot at the sea features top of the list), how my life might be different freed from the need to earn a living. Mostly I am happily reconciled to the fact that I will need to work for a wage, for a long time yet. And I enjoy feeling that I am doing something productive and meaningful.

I've talked here about the trials, and perhaps not enough about the amazing satisfaction I get from what I do. Sometimes. Occasionally. Rarely. Yes, now it's rarely. There's a difference between surviving and thriving and although I used to love my work, I've allowed myself to slip into the situation where that satisfaction factor is so reduced as to be almost entirely invisible most days. Growth, which is supposed to be at the centre of what I'm about, and what I'm supposed to be involved in facilitating in others, feels non-existent in my own professional life. Even many of my existing strengths and skills are sitting in a metaphorical box locked up under my desk, seldom exercised. And I'm running so fast to stand still that I seldom have a chance to consider what's missing, or how to change it.

That's why the sabbatical.... It's a privilege to be able to carve out some time to decelerate, reconnect and restore and I'm very conscious that I need to make it count. I intend to use the opportunity to take stock, re-evaluate what's most important to me, excavate my professional passions (which I am sure are still lurking in the depths of me somewhere) and try to turn that all into something that allows me to make a living and live.

I was playing with the camera and an app on my phone and took the photograph above of a spot on my desk, which when I looked at it afterwards summed up a lot of what I think I'm after... opportunity for creativity, variety, a touch of poetry and a lot of heart!

Not too tall an order, is it?

♡

Countdown commences...

When in doubt, choose change.

Lily Leung

Never too old, never too bad, never too late, never too sick to start from scratch once again.

Bikram Choudhury

Remembering you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

Steve Jobs

I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings.
You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you. 

C Joybell C

Six weeks from today my sabbatical begins. Six months (plus) to explore. To rest. To restore. To dream. To create... a new reality.

It's been a long gruelling year since the commitment to do this was made, the opportunity sought and the time granted. My heart is so ready. My head is a bit more nervous. Anything is possible. Anything is a very big space.

It's exhilarating. It's terrifying.

I can't wait.

Moons & rainbows

We live in a rainbow of chaos.

Paul Cezanne

(1839-1906)

Not a sight often seen, a full moon and a rainbow together... a little bit of urban magic.

Rainbow cloud

I found I could say things with colour and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - 

things I had no words for.

Georgia O'Keeffe

(1887-1986)

This past couple of weeks there's been a lot going on - lots of travel, lots of meetings, lots of project planning, a conference, some seminars, three Birthdays and the associated get-togethers... lots and lots of interaction with lots of people.

I have seldom felt less connected - inside and out.

When I was downloading some photographs I took at an event yesterday, this was amongst them. I have no idea what it is. The rainbow cloud inside my handbag perhaps? I don't know. But of all the pictures, this was the one I like the most.

A happy abstract accident.

Wishing you an unexpected rainbow cloud or a happy accident of your own this weekend...

Thankfulness, every day - Sixteen

Today I'm grateful for an unexpectedly early finish, which resulted in a delicious unplanned hour on my sofa, reading a magazine and some catalogues, with a cup of tea, waiting for my evening to begin. There's the prospect of a lovely dinner ahead (cooked for me) and a movie (also enjoyed from the comfort of the sofa) but in the meantime, there was just that quiet hour, alone.

I honestly can't remember the last time I did this, aimless flicking and sipping - with nothing else I should have been doing, nothing else going through my head but, "oooh, that's pretty!"

What a sense of luxury there can be in a bubble of time spent in perfect, unremarkable, solitude.

View from my pillow

Bed is the one place where laziness is rewarded.

John Dobbin

(1815-1888)

Lying in bed would be an altogether perfect and supreme experience if only one had a coloured pencil long enough to draw on the ceiling.

G. K. Chesterton

(1874-1936)

As close to a mountain as I plan to climb this weekend...

Might tape a coloured pencil to a stick, might not, but either way I'm looking forward to hiding out from the bitter cold that's forecast and enjoying a lot of delicious laziness.

Happy Friday lovely ones!
♡

Happy half hour

It was a beautiful day for a walk: gentle cows and yellow flowers in fields and treasures to be discovered along my path - a beckoning gate; shoe, bench and sand sculptures; an encouraging sign; just me and my shadow, and a fragile beauty washed up by the tide - a magical half hour of peace and solitude.

In my memory it glows even brighter, more intensely.

Memory can be like that, can't it?

Colour week - green, green, where are you?

Every day in colour week up to now I've had an abundance of the colour of the day to photograph in my flat, bearing in mind that I chose to limit my search area to just my apartment living space. Green has definitely been the most challenging so far for me. I'm not sure why. I love green but apparently it's not a colour I love to live with. It appears in little accents all over he place but if you looked at the space, I don't think green would pop out at you. Having said that, once I tuned my eye in to it, there were green bits to be found, especially in the kitchen.

~ the last of an absolutely magnificent arrangement of flowers that a friend gave me when I moved in. It had huge, white, deliciously spicy smelling lilies and softest pussy willow catkins in it. All that remain now are the green bits, including those chartreuse chrysanthemums, which always amaze me with their colour and form. They make me think of fireworks for some reason.

~ more coloured glass, all shiny and pretty on the shelves that are over my sink in the kitchen. The little vintage cruet set is something I bought more for how pretty it is than how practical I imagined it would be, but it turns out it's very useful and adds a lovely shot of colour to a dining table.

~ as I mentioned earlier in the week, I'm not a regular coffee drinker but I always have some in the house for guests and I like to try them out so that I know what I'm serving. This is a new blend that I've not had before and I freely admit that I bought it because it's African, Fairtrade, and has a picture of lush green jungle with gorillas on the packaging. I know the coffee connoisseurs amongst you are probably drawing breath in horror but it's true. Fortunately, it tastes pretty good too. I'm not sure I fully appreciated the butter toffee finish but I would certainly not be too embarrassed to serve it. And I do love the packaging.

~ tea towels. I have many. Once again, I'd probably be accused - not unfairly - of buying most of them 'cause of how pretty they are rather than with pure function in mind, although they seem to manage both quite well. And my friends apparently recognise this in me too because the one on the right travelled all the way from South Africa in a gift, and was made there, like me. I always think that when I read that text on it. The one on the left, came from the States, also from a lovely friend, who knows my colour passions well. I think of them both every time I use these beauties, with love.

~ and here we have... yet again... my quilt. That quilt is going start getting delusions of grandeur, it's made so many recent appearances on this blog. But it is a bit of a star in my life right now, and I am made happy every evening when I crawl in under it. This is a detail from the underside, which includes lovely purples and greens. I like that it's as pretty (albeit quite different) on both sides. I think there's a reminder in this for me, which has something to do with the reason I believe in wearing pretty undies even when no-one sees them, and painting my toenails gorgeous colours even if I'm wearing closed toe shoes. It's something about how even what can't be seem has an influence on how the world feels to me and I like to think that lovely on the inside, or in the bits that we can't see, is as important a part of that (if not more so) as what's on the outside. And I like that to be colourful too. Yeah, I know. It's a bit daft. But it's true.

So the green I sought was found - a little less obvious in the space perhaps but still bringing its own quality of comfort and sparkle into my every day. Thank you green, for subtly adding your value. It's much appreciated.

Can't believe we've almost reached the end of the week of colour it's been a busy week and this fun colour exploration has made it a bearable one. I am slowly making my way around everyone's lovely posts and the flickr group and am just blown away by how much colourful beauty people are finding and how creatively they are capturing it... what a treat.

I hope that wherever you are, and whatever you're up to, you have a very happy and colourful Friday!

♥

Life begins...

My very dearest D

I find words so inadequate to convey the breadth and depth of emotion between us. And today of all days I find I want you to know, to be clear, how much you mean to me and how much good stuff I wish for you.

I remember once, in a film I think, hearing it said that part of the reason our key relationships are so vital to our well-being is that in our shared history we feel we have someone who witnesses and therefore can bear witness to our lives. Certainly when I think of all the most significant moments in my life, you are a part of way more of those than not. Even when you are not around physically, you inhabit one of the four core chambers of my heart and are with me constantly. I turn to you first to share my deepest and most vulnerable thoughts and feelings. You are where I seek a voice of comfort, calm and reason, and where I find constant, unwavering support, and happy companionship. And no-one, no-one, is a better shopping partner. Others may be good, even great, but you are the best. And this is an art not to be taken lightly.

For all the years of my life that I remember, and in all the ways that count, you are one of my key witnesses. And I like to think this runs both ways: that I am, in some ways if not all, a significant witness to yours. We've travelled this path of sisterhood and friendship together for close to half a century (can you believe it?!) so now, today, as you stand on the brink of this new decade in your history, what witness can I bear to you and to your life?

And this is where words begin to fail me. Because how do I adequately describe it, you? Of the four of us, you most closely resemble our mother - beautiful inside and out. And, need I mention your legs and feet? You two are very alike in many ways and I think it's the reason you are so close, and the reason you sometimes spark off each other as you do. But in all the very best of ways you have learnt from her, honed, and now embody with your own style and flair, the lessons of unconditional and maternal love she's always taught us by example. You have been through some unimaginable challenges and held your course, maintained your purpose and your integrity. The welling up of joy and pride I feel when I observe you with your children - your patience, the love that shines in every word and gesture - is indescribable. Even when, in those more challenging moments of having a two and a five year old, where I know I would be needing to leave the room, you seem to find a way to express the limits lovingly. I cannot imagine anyone better suited to being a mother, with all the responsibilities of care that role requires. You do it with strength and you do it with grace, as you do all things. I am in awe.

Beauty, love, strength and grace. That's what I see when I look at you and consider your life to this point. So I don't think it would be true to say that life is beginning for you now. You have already lived a full and meaningful one. More so than many who have lived twice as long and more than some will ever live. But it is true that a new chapter is beginning for you, a new phase, more than just the start of a new decade. And I wish for you today, and every day, all that you could ever dream of for yourself and more. And I wish that I might be there, beside you. To bear witness.

I love you. Happy Birthday!
K ~x~ ~o~

Taken by surprise...

This week has been full of surprises:

~ Butterfly kites in almost blue skies - wind dancers.

~ News from afar of a union of love - twenty odd years in the making, and then it was done. Just like that. If it were a movie it would have both an F.G. and H.E. rating*.

~ Recognition and thanks from an unexpected source - nearly fell off of my chair.

~ Limited access to the internet for days, usually cause for some discomfort, actually felt strangely liberating - although it does mean I have some serious catching up to do.

~ Boxes like mushrooms, multiplying rapidly overnight - where did all this stuff come from?!?

~ First new house guest already lined up - a very dear friend and it's only taken us four years to make it happen so very excited at the prospect. Now she's arriving four days after I move. Is it reasonable to ask guests to unpack boxes and arrange bookshelves I wonder?

~ A tiny window of to-myself-ness that's opened up unexpectedly this weekend with a change of plans - how delightful.

Happy Friday to all!
♥

* my sister and I came up with a rating system for movies and books years ago - a shorthand both she and I understand immediately when making recommendations to each other. Amongst these ratings: F.G. = feel good. H.E. = happy ending. It's quite possible to have one without the other but even better if it's both.

Five minute lovely list

~ blue sky. And are those the beginnings of leaf shoots I see? I thought I might be imagining that Spring is late arriving and whinging unjustifiably about eternal Winters but last year at this time, this tree looked like this. Magnificent. I feel vindicated. And glad to see she's about to do her beautiful thing. At last.

~ short working weeks. The shorter the better.

~ pizza. Proper Italian pizza. The Italians have given the world many, many wonderful things but if all they'd contributed was pizza I still think we should be thanking them. Shared with friends and a lovely bottle of red, it becomes a feast.

~ packing. Okay, not everyone's idea of lovely and on another day, probably not mine. I'm actually really looking forward to it this weekend though. Weird, I know. But it's spring cleaning and decluttering and an opportunity to savour the things I love and want to keep all in one. Only two weeks to go now 'til the move.

~ colour palette generator. I've been playing with inspiration mosaics for my new decor and then thought, I wonder how this would translate in that palette generator thingy? Oh dear. I am addicted. So far my palettes of choice for the apartment include delicious colours like wasabi, treehouse, cashmere, viking, peacock, toast, turtle, spice and claret. I think that generator knows more about me than it should!

What's on your lovely list this week? Whatever it is, I wish you a very, very lovely Friday!
♥

Plan B - more room, inside and out

more room by rachel awes

I recently came across (as one does sometimes when browsing randomly) a new-to-me blog called All I did was Listen, the lovely online space of Rachel Awes. I was immediately entranced by Rachel's whimsical drawings and heart-rich musings - each and every one beautiful and special. The drawing above particularly struck a chord with me and as soon as Rachel opened her Etsy shop, I had to order one. It so reflects where I am right now - ready to make more room, inside and out.

Firstly, the outside space: A confluence of lucky factors means that I will be moving into a new apartment towards the end of April. I'm very excited about this as it will be the start of a new phase for me and I'll no longer be sharing my living space with anyone at all. My current housemate and I have had a great innings and I've enjoyed living here but I'm ready, willing, and now able to enjoy a place entirely to myself. I know that moving house is considered quite a stressful experience but I'm actually looking forward to packing up and then unpacking and settling in to my new space. It will be fun. An adventure. I've moved many, many, many times in my life so this is not an upheaval that fazes me but somehow this feels so different. Not having to consider anyone's needs or tastes but my own. At all. It will be the first time in more than twenty years that this has been the case and I'm incredibly energised at the thought. Terribly selfish I know, but true. It may not be forever, it may not even last very long, and that's fine (I like sharing my space too and am always happy to have loved ones to stay) but for now... I can't wait.

It will also provide a great opportunity for me to sift through my belongings and declutter, and I'm looking forward to that too. I've accumulated a lot of stuff considering the tiny space I currently have and I know it could do with a bit of paring down. They're not large items but there are lots of them. I no longer own much furniture (I let most of that go when my husband and I parted ways and my current apartment is let partially furnished so there's been no need to buy any) and I have no real inclination to acquire more now. Ikea will provide the fundamentals and I have some lovely decorative bits that I've collected over years on my travels that will add colour and texture. I envisage a bed, a few floor cushions, piles of books, some pretty personal details, lots of fresh flowers... and not much else. At least to begin with. I see my new style being something along the lines of stripped-back zen minimalism crossed with student make-do chic and bohemian jewel-rich comfort. I quite like the mix.

And on the inside: This process of clearing stuff will be good for this too - more room inside. I intend to take with me only things I love. Things that have good associations. Nothing that reminds me of times or people or states of mind that no longer serve me well or don't make me happy. I don't have much that falls into this category but enough to make this a worthwhile exercise. 

I've held on to things that represent memories I no longer want to carry with me so this juncture is also an opportunity to leave behind some emotional clutter and create more room for good stuff. I'm looking forward to that too. More than anything.

As my travel plans have not worked out the way I'd hoped, I'm intending now to use some of my leave to start this process of sorting and clearing and packing. Perhaps this is one of the good things to come out of having that dream denied right now - the space to move on more quickly than I'd anticipated with another. Plan B unfolds. 

Wishing you a very happy Friday with all the room, inside and out, that your plans require!

♥