As in art, so in life

Or is it the other way 'round?

I was looking over some recent photographs - almost all taken on my phone, which seems to be my most used lens these days - and I notice that that there's not been a lot of colour showing up for a while. Or maybe, more accurately, I've just not been seeing it 'cause I am sure it's still out there.

There is quite a bit of shape, pattern and texture though so I guess that's okay.

I think I might actively search out some colour in the next few weeks... I do miss it!

Five minute lovely list

~ Time to write - lists, musings, letters, thank you notes, blog posts. It's felt lacking recently. I've missed it.

~ Mobile phone Apps - oh my goodness, these little wonders really do make life (especially when on the road) easier and more fun. Some of my favourites of the moment are: Passbook (electronic tickets, boarding passes etc.), TripAdvisor and TripAdvisor City Guide (access to good travel info and recommendations on the move), Pixlromatic+ (fun for photographs), Genius Scan (enhances and creates pdf documents out of anything you photograph - especially useful for receipts, recipes and other text records you might like to make), SimpleMind+ (an uncomplicated but great little mind-mapping tool - I love it for quickly capturing ideas), Audible (Audiobooks. Something I've apparently never outgrown is the pleasure of having someone read to me. In the absence of a real someone to do this, audible brings me people like Stephen Fry, Richard Attenborough and a host of lovely narrators to do so. Love it!). If you have any App faves you'd like to share, please do... I'd love to try them out.

~ The White Company candles - delicious fragrances, beautiful, simple but luxurious packaging and very clean and long-burning. I have them at home and take a little one with me when I travel - it's like a sensory anchor. They make me very happy and there's one for every mood. My favourites are Seychelles, Wild Mint and Pine Cone but there really isn't a bad one.

~ Creative stash. More specifically... using it. In my mission to declutter and lighten my world of all the stuff that weighs me down, as well as to deliberately carve out more creative playtime, I've been sorting through my stash and am planning to have great fun using it up. I probably have enough to keep me going until about 2025!

~ Kindness - when it's aimed at me, it always takes me by surprise and manages to undo me.

What counts

So it's probably a bit strange that I'm writing this on Christmas day but it's not really Christmas that's on my mind. Am I sad that I could not be with family and friends this year? Yes. Am I sad in general? No. In fact I've had rather a nice day... quiet and peaceful and full of lovely moments. I've seen, spoken to or heard from loved ones across the world, had some beautiful thoughtful gifts to unwrap and enjoy, plenty of yummy treats to eat and I'm left in no doubt that I'm cared for. What more could a person wish for at Christmas really?

What's on my mind though is not the holiday but work.

What's on my mind is how stretched and challenged and yet motivated I am.

What's on my mind is how I have to trust now, more than ever, that things will be okay and that I will be okay - better than okay.

Over the past few months I've been working out my notice as well as establishing the new business - both jobs in the time and space of one. It's been pretty hectic. A tad too hectic for my liking. They are fundamentally incompatible roles. Flexible as my employers were in trying to accommodate me so that I'd be able to run the two alongside one another on into the future (something that I did consider) the new venture requires time and flexibility that they just cannot offer me as an employee. And I'm more than ready to move on. I need to focus my energy on the new, not the old. So, as of Christmas Eve, I am now entirely self-employed.

The last few weeks and days in my old role were odd. It's inevitable I guess that a move this significant, after this length of time, would bring up mixed feelings. The outpouring of good wishes, hugs, gifts and general loveliness has been quite overwhelming. It made me sad to say goodbye to some of the people who've been my colleagues, my team, for years. And yet, I have no regrets. That's a sign I feel that I'm doing the right thing. The right thing for me, the right thing for now.

So what's on my mind today is how I am more pleased with my situation than not - scary and insecure as it is. That, although it's early days yet, the life that's unfolding for me feels right. That trusting my instincts is serving me well and I need to develop that. How grateful I am for people who care. How thankful I am for opportunities presented and how I must continue to exercise courage and take them. How being happy is here, now, not only on the horizon or beyond it. And that that's what counts.

Sweet spots...

...in a tough week:

~ Setting up my workspace - criteria = creative, comfy and not a hint of cubicle about it!

~ Working on a website - nothing elaborate but my own little presence...

~ Lovely encouraging words & wishes, here and elsewhere - thank you, thank you, thank you!

~ Lunch in Londontown with my cousin - a rare connection and such a treat

~ Playing with words and glue dots - a thoughtful gift from someone who knows me so well

~ Listening to the early morning - traffic-free stillness and rain on the window...

~ Jumping hurdles - one by one, slowly but systematically

~ Checking in with my heart - and it tells me I'm okay. Better than okay. Good news!

Sea, tea and St Ives

This is what this little jaunt looked like... I think I could live here.

I'm certainly tempted to go back in future for some of this. Inspired by this. And this. And this. It was incredible. SO much art.

And just a short drive away, one of the most breath-taking theatre venues ever.

And if you happen to be in town, I highly recommend the lemon meringue tart and banana&honey&cinnamon breakfast smoothie here (they'll teach you to surf too). And anything, absolutely anything, on the menu here. Just about every place in town (well certainly those we tried) serves wonderful fresh food and has beautiful views.

You know, there's a lot to be said for the barter system - I enjoyed all this and some really good company in exchange for a bit of coaching, some writing and an already-and-unconditionally-given truckload of moral support. I think my lovely friend got the short end of the deal here. But I'm thankful. It was great. And I'm thinking barter may be the way to go... it doesn't feel like work. It feels like love.

Namibian Retreat

Touch the earth, love the earth, honour the earth, her plains,
her valleys, her hills, her deserts, and her seas; rest your spirit in her solitary places.
Henry Beston

Solace sought (and found) where sand and sky combine to create space - immense space, heart space, breathing space. 

Just sorting through the sensations, impressions, and the photographs. More to follow...

Waterfront wandering...

Still one of my favourite places to potter around on a sunny day... tucked into the bay under Table Mountain: part international working harbour, part trendy tourist hangout, always plenty to see. And the very best frozen yoghurt south of the equator.

A special stillness...

...found on an Autumn day, on the farm. Just the two of us, my sister and me. A rare treat.

Rainbow's end...

...is where I find myself today. 

Pots of gold come in many guises:

~ Sunshine in wintery skies and wild, stormy seas. Combined.

~ Whales in the bay. A constant wonder and delight.

~ Creative stirrings and an opportunity to explore them...

~ Distance from the drama and politics of work and no urge to step in & sort it out. HUGE shift.

~ Good company and the time to enjoy it.

~ Tea with a splash of local wildflower honey. The best there is.

Rob's beach

Wave watching

You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment.

Henry David Thoreau

(1817-1862)

I never, ever, tire of it. 

Bizarrely, it grounds me.  Like nothing else.

Gentle days and soft greys...

Everything that ever walked or crawled on the face of the earth, swum the depths of the ocean or soared through the skies left its imprint here.

Robert M. Fresco

(1930)

Walking the shores of the Indian Ocean... warm air, warm water... warm heart! Leaving our footprints alongside those of the birds, the fishermen, their dogs and the hippo.


*picture, middle right - adult male sibling foot alongside adult male/female hippo spoor. Not something one often encounters at the beach.

Perfumes are the feelings of flowers

Perfumes are the feelings of flowers.

Heinrich Heine

(1797-1896)

If that's true then these roses must be feeling really, really, really good! 

The yellowy-orange ones are from a florist (hardly any scent), all others are cut from the garden (a blend of the most beautiful deep and subtle perfumes). I'm not a fan of rose-scented products but real roses... divine! Don't think I've ever smelt such a delicious bunch.

I hope the techy bods are working on a smell-o-version of Blogger. I'd love to be able to upload and share scents here as well as sights and sounds. Today, the ocean, my spicy masala chai, these roses... they'd all go up. Wouldn't that be amazing? Give them time... the techy bods. I don't discount it. Nothing seems impossible these days.

I hope that wherever you are, you have a lovely Friday, and find time to smell some roses...

K ♡ 

Silence sings...

Sitting in the sunshine on the verandah at the farm, enjoying a lovely cup of tea... so, so peaceful and still. Yet, when I closed my eyes and tuned in to the sounds, not silent.

I could hear a breeze blowing over the grasses, windchimes, a picking truck in the apple orchard, various garden birds, a dove calling in the pine trees, a fly buzzing by, rustling autumn leaves in the Pin Oak, Hadeda Ibis calling as they flew over the dam, the hum of the generator, leaves being raked...

I am convinced that tea tasted better for my being soaked in sunlight, and that subtle orchestral accompaniment!

I'm noticing...

I've been here for just over a month now. So, true to my introversion, it's time for a bit of reflection. This is what I'm noticing:

~: Unwinding is uncomfortable. My emotions are all over the place. I liken it to the sensation of blood returning to a limb I've been leaning on for too long... actually quite painful sometimes. But in that way that I know will be good in the long run if I can just get through the horrible pins & needles phase.

~: I LOVE being able to participate in the small daily routines of my family and friends (like taking the children to school or having more than one cup of tea over a long and leisurely chat) instead of just the big life-event stuff or squeezed-in-to-too-small-a-social-gap-because-time's-short stuff that's usually what I get to share when I'm over. Whatever the new life-plan looks like, making time for more of this is essential. That means a whole new working pattern.

~: Having the sea nearby nourishes me in a way that I can't really describe. No surprises here but I am just struck again by how profound this is. Really, time to stop putting off the dream of getting that regular exposure to the ocean back into my life. I have no idea how I'm going to manage this (or the one above) but, somehow, putting the intention out there feels right.

~: My stress-provoking, anxiety-ridden habits have become more deeply ingrained than I ever imagined - even struggling to just chill out and stop counting hours, days, weeks... I know it's counter-productive but I can't seem to stop!

~: Haven't managed to break bad sleep patterns and bad dream cycles yet either but the vivid dreams are a sign at least that there's stuff being processed at an unconscious level. I think that's good. I'm keeping a dream diary. Who knows what insights and wisdoms might be lurking in there? Or maybe that airborne green squid-like thing that was trying to eat me last night, really is just about fear of airborne green squid-like things?!

~: The good thing about sleeplessness is that I am devouring books - reading everything I can lay my hands and eyes on. Fiction, non-fiction... new stuff, old stuff... I'm in a hunter-gatherer reading phase and loving it. Several of the recommendations made by people here and offline have been a wonderful surprise, as they're not necessarily things I'd have chosen or stumbled across by myself, and they've been great - thank you! If anything else comes to mind, please do share...

~: I'm writing again. And playing with my camera. And enjoying both. This feels immense.

~: My twitter stream is evolving. The tweeps and tweets that seem to pop out at me and provoke a desire to respond are shifting slightly and those I'm newly drawn to follow are definitely shifting. My 'filters' are adjusting. Good. A change of perspective is exactly what I am after.

~: Apropos of the above, I'm finding it a challenge to know how to keep the "work" me (she's the occasional tweeter) and the me that plays here in the blogosphere, separate, whereas I've always found it quite easy to draw those lines before: work = mostly considered-head extroverted, non-work = mostly creative-heart extroverted. Both are me but with a different focus & different platforms for connecting.

It's starting to feel increasingly messy and blurred though and this is probably good if I want to realign and strive for better integration of personal and professional. What personal vs. professional might mean in my future feels like it's shifting too and I am uncertain what this will mean for the way I engage online. Just not sure how I'll transition it all. My current bosses follow me on twitter, for example, as do several of my colleagues, and I admit I'm a little uncomfortable now when I want to shout out loud (i.e. tweet)... "I feel freeeeeeeee! I feel meeeeeeeee!". I'm sure it'll work itself out. I'll work it out. Just interesting to observe for now.

~: There are some people who will just never get it. Get me. Luckily for me, there seem to be some who do! Thankful for you guys. Very.

~: Doing this is the best thing I've ever done for myself, so far. Selfish yes, but I believe in a good way. Despite all the turmoil it's causing inside, I think I might be saving my own life.