Space for sitting and for sparkle...

We shall find peace. We shall hear angels, we shall see the sky sparkling with diamonds.

Anton Chekhov

It was a very busy week. Mad busy. Two big events back-to-back to plan for, elusive clients and less than ideal locations for practical accessibility (although I'm hoping next week's Scottish loch-side gig will be as beautiful as it is remote). Despite long days that often rolled on into the night too, I spent a large part of the time working with my laptop on my lap. And my feet up. Mostly in bare feet. Sitting in my office, on the floor, on my bed, on the sofa... moving around from room to room whilst trying to work out a design dilemma in my head or wrestle arrangements into a neat plan.... Music or late-night silence in the background, tea always at hand and mascara-less for days in a row, it felt less like hard work than it otherwise might've. I haven't quite struck the balance yet but when I can do this, like this, I'm reminded why this new lifestyle's a better choice for me. Worth riding out the storms for.

I did make time to paint my toes too - always space for that frivolous indulgence! There haven't been many stars visible around here (that'd be due to the continuing and relentless cloud cover in the UK Midlands) so I created some tiny constellations of my own. Hard to capture in a photograph but they sparkle all silveryblackblue, turquoise, pink and purple... Disco Ball over Midnight Skinny Dip, which sounds like a perfect Summer's night to me, although far from the truth of what I'm up to. My starlight toes delight me though and sad but true that I sat for a few minutes last night fixated on wiggling them in the candlelight to make them twinkle. I even contemplated taking a little video to do them true justice, 'though you'll be relieved to hear that sense prevailed. I'd like to blame it on the tiredness kicking in but am not sure it wasn't just an, "Ooooh, look at the pretty!" moment that had nothing to do with fatigue. I'm glad no-one saw me doing it. But now you know.

Anyway, on that note of silliness, I hope that whatever you're up to, you have a lovely weekend in store. With perhaps a bit of sparkle added - inside or out!

Teeny tiny stars...

For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream.

Vincent Van Gogh

(1853-1890)

...keep turning up in sunlit corners and stuck to the bottom of my bare feet, despite several sweepings since the celebration of my sister's recent visit where they originally featured.

I love it.

I think a random sprinkling of confetti could become the norm around here. Why not? One of the perks of living alone, with wooden floors throughout.

They make me smile. Just like your lovely words of welcome and support have - sparkly heart confetti. Thank you beautiful people.

Wishing you a very happy Wednesday!

♡

The last mince pie...

Mince pies, like marzipan and marmite, seem to be one of those things that divide people into two food camps - either one loves them or one hates them. I love them all. Especially mince pies. I still recall how, when we were children, the fact that Christmas was not far off was announced with the arrival of a lovely tin of homemade mince pies from my grandmother. They were eked out as treats over the holiday (we always put one out with the milk and carrots for Santa and his reindeer, but just the one mind) and I remember so vividly even now the delicious rich and festive smell of the spicy fruit and buttery pastry as I lifted the lid on the tin and breathed in deeply. They are still the best I've ever tasted (although my sister does a great version too) but now, in the absence of the homemade variety, I look forward to them appearing in the shops and take every opportunity to enjoy them over the Christmas period. So, so good with a cup of tea. Over the past few weeks a little diminishing stash has been keeping me company and I managed to save this last one to savour on the final day of my holiday. Deee-lish!

Despite best intentions and all sorts of little pep talks to myself, I have a horrible deep sinking feeling about going back to work tomorrow. I'm well rested and feeling much better for it but still not relishing what lies ahead on the work front. In my first five days back, for example, I will be in four different cities... in Scotland, England and Wales.  And so it begins... and my heart sinks.

When I uploaded this picture of the mince pie though, after I'd enjoyed eating it, I noticed how the sugar grains caught the light so prettily, and those little sparkles reminded me to focus on the good stuff. And to keep focussing on the good stuff. Look for the sparkle, Kenda, look for the sparkle - however tiny. So here are some of the reasons to look forward to returning to work:

~ I really do like some of the people I work with or will be encountering on my travels, and it will be good to catch up with them, their holiday stories, and their goals and plans for the year ahead.

~ I can resume my daily exercise routine, which mostly involves a lot of brisk walking, as that's become very neglected over the past few weeks in favour of lounging around munching on mince pies.

~ I can move forward on my mentoring project, which was just starting to take off nicely before the break, and which I really do relish although it's only a tiny part of what I'm doing.

~ I'll have lots and lots of opportunities to enjoy my kindle as I travel around the country on the railways, which are now working again because the snow's mostly gone.

~ I'm sure Easter eggs and hot cross buns will replace the mince pies in the shops soon, and I love those too...

Word

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.

Mary Sarton

(1912-1995)

Let us be about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and every decade worth looking forward to.

Greg Anderson

(1970)

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.

Og Mandino

(1923-1996)

I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have.

Abraham Lincoln

(1809-1865)

I want my love, my joy, my laugh, my smile, my needs

Not in the star signs

Or the palm that she reads

I want my sun-drenched, wind-swept Ingrid Bergman kiss

Not in the next life

I'll have it in this

I'll have it in this

Good as Gold - The Beautiful South

Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.

Mary Lou Cook

(1918)

Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.

Helen Keller

(1880-1968)

Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think.

Horace

(65 BC-8 BC)

Still, what I want in my life is to be willing to be dazzled-to cast aside the weight of facts and maybe even to float a little above this difficult world.

Mary Oliver

(1935)

Living creatively is really important to maintain throughout your life. And living creatively doesn't mean only artistic creativity, although that's part of it. It means being yourself, not just complying with the wishes of other people.

Matt Groening

(1954)

Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake...

Francis Bacon, Sr.

(1561-1626)

One of the single most useful practices I've adopted over the past few years is the selection of the annual word. If you've been coming round here for a while, you'll know that I find it almost impossible to narrow anything down to just one... I cannot bear the limitation because, for me, almost everything depends on context. I have strong preferences, yes, but my favourite today, in this setting, won't necessarily be my favourite tomorrow if presented with a new situation and array of choices. I do my best. I have only three favourite colours and could probably narrow it down to a 'top ten' in most categories of stuff if I had to... but just one? Can't do it. And my lists change.

Some may see this as indecisive, flighty, or fickle even - I have battled with this myself. I admire the focus of those who can hone in on something singularly and direct all their attention at it. It's wonderful to see what can be achieved in those circumstances. But it's just not me. I reserve the right to be and do many things, often simultaneously, to change, and to change my mind*. I will never be a specialist and for that reason, probably never 'the best' at any thing. This used to worry me enormously. Now I prefer to see it as an expression of a Renaissance soul, the Renaissance being a time when being multi-faceted was actively encouraged and enthusiastically pursued. I find there are a lot of Renaissance souls who inhabit the blogosphere and that's one of the things I love most about it. Anyway, I digress... see, so easily distracted.

The annual word has been something that I've found does allow me to focus on one idea or concept to the extent that I am able. I know a lot of people experience the value of the practice and I encourage anyone who has never done so to give it a go. It's a powerfully simple thing. One of the things I love about it is that within a single carefully selected word there can still be variety and nuance. It reminds and holds me steady but allows me freedom at the same time to explore and grow over the course of a year. The annual word has worked magic for me.

So, last year my word chased me down at strange times and in strange places, and chose me. I resisted a bit (it's not an obvious 'me' word) but it felt right. In every way. Sparkle. A word to conjure with... 

Yeah. No. 2010 was probably my least sparkly year ever. There were very, very brief flashes but overall it was more of a fizzle than a sparkle. I did not feel in way light, effervescent or fiery. Sometimes the universe has its own ideas.

When I started to think about my word for this year, I wondered if I needed a word that gave me room to grow and heal quietly, to take it slowly. Unfold made it onto the list. Also, enfold. Glow was another option. Or renew. All more gentle words. But none felt exactly right. Knocking around in the back of my mind, the word sparkle kept showing up and waving at me, with both hands... perhaps it felt I hadn't given it enough of a chance, or that both of us were thwarted by events beyond our control. I don't know. But it wouldn't go away. And I decided not to ignore it.

So, in an unprecedented move, I'm choosing to go with it for a second year. Sparkle is my word for 2011. Again.

I do wonder if I might regret this decision: Perhaps I just don't have the sparkle in me anymore and no amount of looking or trying will make it happen? Perhaps I'm expecting too much? I know I yearn for it though and in good moments I can still work up a reasonable twinkle. But then, perhaps the darkness of last year will allow it to be found more readily and enjoyed more keenly this year? Perhaps I'll be more inclined to seek it out, truly invite it in and take a chance on it this time? Perhaps all I learnt from it last year is to keep striking the tinder, and this is part of that; sticking with it for a second round in hopes of an actual flame? Maybe it's just sheer bloody-mindedness and a refusal to settle for less? I don't know. But it feels like sparkle and I have a journey yet to travel together. All those reasons it felt true and right to me last year, still apply. If anything, I feel I need it more than ever now.

I take it as auspicious that when I was searching through my collection for quotations to encapsulate my wishes for the year ahead, I pulled out eleven. Eleven! All of them speak to me deeply in some way though and I've decided to go with that too. Sparkle allows for a bit of overthetopness, don't you think? In fact, that's kinda the point in some situations, isn't it? So instead of narrowing them down as I usually do, I'm kicking off two thousand and eleven with all eleven. I'm starting as I mean to go on...

I'm also planning to post, once a month, a list of the ways that sparkle has manifested in my life over the month - to help me with the process of spotting those more fleeting moments even in the dark times, and to maintain focus. I have a dinner party planned for February (surely the darkest time of year in the Northern hemisphere after months and months and months of winter?) the theme of which is going to be sParKLe. And I have a list of several mini projects up my sleeve to encourage creative sparkly expression throughout the year, a couple of which I might enlist some help with, from those who live in the world of sparkle much more easily than I. This morning I cut up an incredibly beautiful glittery calendar of 2010 sent to me by Linda Sue, framed some of my favourite images, and have hung them up in my art space... I have little bits of glitter all over me as I write this. And I love that.

As on the outside, so on the inside.

Sparkle on 2011... I insist.

*♥*


*The only exception to this rule seems to be the way I feel about people. Once I open my heart to someone, it's a forever thing. That doesn't always serve me well.