You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.
Pema Chödrön
People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you're fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.
Elizabeth Gilbert
Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for.
Maya Angelou
You might like to do whatever the blog-reading equivalent is for sticking your fingers in your ears and going la-lalala-la from this point on because this is almost certainly going to sound ungrateful, if not a bit whinge-y.
So you know how I have this fantastic time to devote to doing only what I need to do - rest, reflect, restore... establish what it is I'd like in my future and design a new life plan around that? Great, right? I'm in a beautiful place, surrounded by people I love and who support me, and I'm liberated from the daily grind of work for a while. How very fortunate I am. Yes. Absolutely.
So why do I feel so lousy right now? I'm still struggling to sleep so I'm tired and quite grouchy because of that. But it's not just this - I'm feeling deeply resistant, fearful and frustrated. I feel the pressure of time running away all too fast and overwhelmed by the scale of the changes it's becoming apparent I need to make. Add to that the guilt of ingratitude, and it's not a pretty emotional picture.
I know what's going on here. I do enough change support work with others to recognise the symptoms of that ol' curve and I kinda wish the knowledge was enough to allow me to bypass the grotty bits but that's not how it works either. So all I can do really is ride it out. And look for constructive ways to help me keep moving on through it... getting stuck is not an option.
Today though, I think I'm just going to curl up under a blanket, drink tea, watch a happy-ending movie (or two) and have an afternoon nap.
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2 comments:
A constant niggling at the back of the mind makes us feel guilty that we aren't moving forward in the way that we had planned. Perhaps there is a different plan and perhaps you really need to rest .... and continue taking beautiful photographs.
this is what slowing down and resting does for us: lets all those negative bits that we manage most days loose.
hang in there love. they'll work their way through and out.
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