View from Coach B...

If you surrender to the wind, you can ride it.

Toni Morrison

(1931)

Friday again, and another week closer to the first day of my s.s.s.sab.b.atical. Only three working weeks to go now and I'm allowing myself to begin feeling truly excited about it. It's bubbling up and overflowing more and more and I find it hard not to wish the time away or do the occasional little breakout dance as I leave a particularly demotivating meeting thinking, "soon, very soon, I will not have to worry about all this...". I can't deny that I'm pleased to be escaping (and yes, it does feel like an escape) but don't like having to leave colleagues behind to tackle the challenges unsupported and it just feels quite insensitive to be openly looking forward to the date I go. So I keep it in (unless someone asks me directly) and I still have so much to do before I leave my desk behind for a while, that I can't afford to let go of the professional rigour just yet, tempting as it might be. I've been trying really hard to focus on staying present and tying remaining tasks up beautifully, so that I can leave it all neatly done or handed over. I'm starting to accept (or have to acknowledge at least) that there will always be more to do and that there are a couple of things on which I am dependent, and over which I have little or no influence (let alone control) that are looking likely to be delayed beyond my deadline date. This means that one or two items on my list might not be done in time, or not be as far progressed as I had hoped. I don't like this at all but it's the reality of collaborative working sometimes. I'm trying not to let my frustration with these things overshadow the amazing reality of the dream that's about to come true for me. 

Plan B (brave, bold and beautiful) is unfolding... 

A few issues have cropped up that I could do without having to deal with, and that I've not accounted for in the plan at all. This week, for example, I had a problem in my apartment, resulting in way too much time wasted spent on customer service calls and waiting in for plumbers. This is still not entirely resolved but progress is being made and I believe a flood has been averted. I've also been somewhat distracted by a nasty kidney infection, which has not stopped me from working but has had me feeling pretty blah. I didn't help by insisting that if I ignored it, it would just go away. It responded by digging in and shouting more loudly for attention with some quite severe discomfort, a temperature, fever, chills... general grottiness. I finally relented and now have muti to sort it out and to mask the pain properly in the meantime, so that's good.

My head is swirling with clichés about obstacles overcome making for better, richer experience and I know that clichés generally become clichés because they are true but I'd also not mind a little "plain sailing" type change, for a change. I'd like to be able to just enjoy it. Relish the excitement. Look to the new world.

Throughout the week, through the frustration and the irritation and the pain, the thing that's been singing out to me most clearly though is how, in three short weeks, my life is going to be different. That it's going to present opportunities to make permanent changes. That changes are already being felt. It's scary, no doubt. It will continue to be unpredictable in part, and almost certainly frustrating sometimes, but mostly, it's exciting. 

Different. Whatever the unknown brings, and however turbulent the change might be, that feels like a good thing. A great thing.

I'm surrendering to the wind.... 

I hope that wherever you are and whatever you're up to, you have a brilliant Friday and a lovely weekend! I'm going to start mine with a little breakout dance. With sing-along. On the outside (well, alone in my flat) and loudly (very!). Maybe to this old favourite.