Opening a door...

In addition to wreaking havoc on our bodies, anger closes our inner door, making us feel isolated and distrustful, hindering communication.

The 14th Dalai Lama

(1935)

I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through another door - or I'll make a door. Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

Rabindranath Tagore

(1861-1941)

You can only work on yourself. Start there.
Alice O. Howell
(1922)

I've spent pretty much this whole week in a state of pent up anger and frustration. Some of it because of particular situations and individuals, some of it seemingly non-specific. All of it resulting in sleepless nights and stomach-churning anxiety. It's not been a great week from that point of view. And yet, it's also been revealing.

I found myself several times during the week thinking and talking in terms of doors opening and closing and had a dream about a birdcage, which doesn't require a degree in Jungian psychology to interpret. In order to get through the week and avoid destructive behaviours (which might include picking up my bag and going AWOL or, worse, saying what I really think in less than diplomatic terms, then picking up my bag, slamming the door on the way out, and going AWOL) I've chosen to sit with the emotion, reflect on why it exists, and consider how I can let go of it or at least channel it constructively.

I'm not sure I have all the answers yet or that I'll work it all out but the fact that I have been able to avoid said destructive behaviours feels like an achievement. I do worry about how it's eating me up inside and I do wish I could rise above it altogether but not giving in to the strong desire to scream or run away, or both, means that I will still be able to try to make it work for me. And I do need to make it work. At least for the time being.

Having said that, I also need to find a way to release all this tension and my usual comforting and relaxing pursuits (hot bubbly baths, chocolate, walks along the canal, tea and toast, deep breathing, taking in the autumn colours with my camera....) don't seem to be having their usual success. I feel like I should do something more active, dare I say more aggressive - scream into the wind from a mountain top, kick a punch bag, whirl myself into exhaustion like a dervish or, as has been suggested this week, go to a shooting range and fire off some air pellets. I've never done the latter so have no idea how that would work out but I'm certain I'd feel better for letting off steam; that the knot in my stomach would unwind and perhaps a door in my head, behind which some of these answers lie, would swing open...

Whatever you're working on or, better yet, playing at this weekend, I hope you have a great one!

I'm off to take a bath and eat some chocolate now but maybe tomorrow I'll search out a mountain top...


* Poppytalk's  Autumn colour week finishes off with the colour brown. Check out other beautiful brown contributions here.