Basta!

A beautiful sunset that was mistaken for a dawn.

Claude Debussy

(1862-1918)

Softly the evening came. 

The sun from the western horizon 

Like a magician extended his golden wand o'er the landscape; 

Trinkling vapors arose; and sky and water and forest 

Seemed all on fire at the touch, and melted and mingled together.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

(1807-1882)

What we call the beginning is often the end. And to make an end is to make a beginning. The end is where we start from.
T.S. Eliot
(1888-1965)

I never became fluent enough in Italian to think or dream in the language but this morning (well, actually it was almost afternoon) I was standing in the shower (where some of my best thinking and insightful moments occur) and this one word just popped into my head, loudly and clearly, "Basta!" 

Enough! 

It's almost my own personal New Year - my Birthday month - always a time of reflection and renewal and this year I seem to have started that process slightly earlier than usual. The shout in my mind today, I am sure, is part of this. I am being called to action. By my own voice.

It reminded me of a book I acquired a while ago - several years ago now, a gift from a friend who'd benefited from it and wanted to share that gift with me - Soul Coaching, by Denise Linn. I wasn't really in the right space to work through the 28 day programme at the time and I read the first chapter, flicked through the rest and then put it on my book shelf. But one thing that stuck with me even from that cursory look, and has ever since, is this notion of listening in to our inner voice, the soul's voice. Clearly mine is so desperately trying to attract my attention that it has started shouting at me in foreign languages.

And it's right, it's enough already. This has been a horrible year - lots of sadness, frustration and change of the kind not freely chosen. There have been some good moments too, of course, but not enough to balance the scales. I am ready for my next year to be different. To be better.

And that's up to me. I know that. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to achieve this and there's a long list of things that need to change but to begin with I'd like to:

Stop:~

~ wishing my Mondays to Fridays away
~ spending weekends recovering in my pyjamas, trying to sleep off the week before whilst dreading the week to come
~ carrying a big knotted bundle of sadness around all the time

Start:~

~ taking better care of myself again because much as I love tea and toast with honey, I'm not sure it qualifies as an entire diet
~ being a better friend because there's been a lot more receiving than giving going on, for a long time
~ working out how to free myself to travel for pleasure more

Continue:~

~ seeking things, daily, to be thankful for
~ blogging and enjoying the amazing, caring, creative, wise, inspiring people it's brought into my life
~ hoping but not relying on hope alone to make things better

Time for the sun to set on this year...