Where wild ponies wander...

...and violets bloom

I've spent the past three days mostly tucked up on my sofa getting over a bit of a lurgy that I think was activated by an abundance of rain and fresh air, although they felt nothing but invigorating at the time. The scent of sea, gorse, bracken, rain, moss, earth, and yes, wild violets in both violet and white (quite rare now to find growing in such healthy quantites), lingered in my memory while my actual olfactory faculties were not functioning at all well for a few days.

I hate to admit that I've turned into one of those wimpy, can't-take-any-real-weather, city girls so am just going to claim that I chose to extend my down-time by a few extra days, which is partially true too. Although I could probably have done so without the bug, it was nothing dreadfully bad and it has just given me even more excuse not to move very far or very fast or do very much at all. I have made a somewhat feeble start on my packing (four or five boxes and hardly a dent made) but mostly it's been more reading, snoozing, and dreaming of how I might organise my new space when I move at the end of the month. My head felt like it was full of cotton-wool for a bit, granted, but in a bizarre way, it was almost pleasant. I took the opportunity to be thoroughly lazy. And reclusive. I switched off my cell phone for three entire days (literally cannot remember when I last - if ever - did that) and did not go online much either. This, combined with the time in Devon when I had neither cell signal or internet access for most of the time, probably constitutes the longest period in about ten years that I've been that technologically disconnected from the outside world.  It was actually a relief and I think I might do that more often (without the head-cold or the laziness).

Only a few days of my leave left now and (despite last minute alterations to plans) I'm focussing hard on how lovely and long and relaxing it's been (and will be yet, until Wednesday) rather than on how quickly it has passed and how anxious I start to feel at the prospect of returning to the mania of my workaday life. I've always been sure that if I won humungous amounts of money on the lottery (the only way I imagine I'll ever be in a position to even contemplate a work-free lifestyle) I'd continue to work because it gives meaning and purpose to my life (and it does, both) but these days I confess I would be quite happy to find meaning and purpose elsewhere if only I could find a way to make that work too. Part of this is about me drawing stronger boundaries where I am so that I do not become so drained but I'm a go-with-all-your-heart sort of a girl (and always will be) and I think the anxiety has more to do with my heart not being all there anymore, which means work feels more demanding than nourishing now, regardless of how much or how little time I'm there or how much or how little effort I expend there. This past fortnight has truly crystallised this for me and I'm more determined than ever to free myself up for that sabbatical next year so that I can explore some alternatives. Or to win the lottery. Either will serve my intentions.

In the meantime, mes amis, the current holiday continues for a little while. I have a very special city adventure planned for Tuesday (which I will share on my return) and I hope this finds you enjoying some relaxing, soul-replenishing time too.  If it includes the scent of the sea, or rain on rich earth, or wild violets, or steaming honey, ginger and lemon (which today I can happily smell again), or something that  makes you happy (as these do me), so much the better!

♥