Learning Love

I love this picture of my mother. It's not a particularly good picture. She's not all neat and tidy (as she usually is) and so perhaps wouldn't thank me for choosing this one, and it's probably not the most flattering pose because it's not at all posed. It's taken from too far away, it's a bit blurred, a little over-exposed, not well composed, not beautifully cropped... but I love this picture because it captures the essence of her: her irrepressible spirit of adventure, her love of life and commitment to living every moment of it, her belief in dreams come true, her willingness always to experience and express joy. This is to name but a few of the things that I see here and that I love about her.

Not long ago, my mum and I took a trip together. She knew that it was what I needed. She generally knows what I need. While we enjoyed this amazing time together, we saw elephants in the wild, which was incredible, but also managed to fulfill one of her lifelong dreams: to ride an elephant.

Elephants have been revered and also trained as beasts of burden for centuries in Sri Lanka. They symbolise the country in so many ways and are to be enjoyed in reality and figuratively and abstractly wherever one goes there. It's also possible to enjoy an elephant safari in certain areas of the country - a novel way (for us) to explore areas of the wetlands and jungle that would be difficult to navigate in other ways. So, because of my mum's dream, we arranged to take one of these safaris. We were there out of season so we were lucky enough to have the route almost all to ourselves. It was lovely. The elephants are patient, gracious and graceful carriers. I never fully understood the meaning of the word undulate until I rode an elephant. Their gait undulates, pure and simple - it's a beautiful thing to experience. Anyway, we were sitting in the howdah when the kurawanayaka (mahout in Sinhala, my diary reminds me) asked whether one of us would like to sit on the elephant's neck. Quick as a flash, my mum climbed over the howdah's rail and took up the position you see in the picture. Her smile could have lit up a small city. And she smiled all the way.

There is so much I could say about my mother. How much I admire her and how thankful I am for her. How creative and beautiful and alive she is and always has been. How she raised four of us under sometimes incredibly difficult circumstances but how we never felt we wanted for anything that truly mattered. How she embodied egalitarianism in a context that legislated against it and passed those values on to us. How she encouraged us to question, to remain always curious and to exercise our powers of observation so that we could fully experience and appreciate our world and all that's in it. How she demonstrated the value of dancing to our own drum by always doing the same. How she shared what she knew and then trusted us to make our own decisions. And how she taught us about compassion and love. Unconditional love. Again, by living and showing it, always.

She is not perfect. Make no mistake, she embarrassed me when I was a teenager, as mothers are wont to do then. We've argued heatedly and repeatedly and still sometimes disagree on things, although so much less often now. But she is perfectly my mum. I would have no other. I love her more than words can ever really express. And today is her Birthday.

I am many miles away from her right now but she carries me in her heart and I her, in mine. And I celebrate her life. And her love. Today and every day.

♥