Wishing to want...

"I want..., doesn't get." This is what my mother and my nana used to say to us as children.

We were always encouraged to count our blessings, to be grateful for what we had, and that want is a thing based on lack, on need, or in deficiency. Want was associated with those less fortunate. Or with foot-stamping tantrums. Tantrums were a no-no and compared to many others, we were not lacking or deficient. So we were required to consider the idea of wanting and the way we composed a sentence. To reflect carefully before choosing the somewhat demanding form of beginning anything we said with "I want...".

Instead, we were encouraged to rephrase things as a request, or a declaration of preference, recognising that just because we wanted something, didn't mean we were entitled to it or that we should expect to get it.

Please don't think this means we were required to deny our wants or not encouraged to desire, to dream, to wish for things. Far from it. We wished on dandelions; on trains crossing roads; on raindrops falling in sunshine; on stars, eyelashes, rainbows; in letters to Santa Claus, and with coins in wishing wells... We were taught to both express our desires and to strive for what we wanted. In fact, compared to many of our peers, we enjoyed a lot less in the way of material abundance but it never felt like it. Because we were encouraged to believe in wishes come true. Whether they did or not.

All that was expected was that we thought about what we were asking for and how. We were encouraged to express our preferences, wishes and desires or to ask for things by saying instead "Please may I...?", "I would like...", "I wish we could...", I dream for...".

Why am I sharing all this? Well, when I considered joining the NaBloPoMo challenge for the month of February - encouraged and inspired by a wonderfully curious girl - I found I was initially quite uncomfortable with the month's theme of "want".

I couldn't understand this at first. It's not because I don't want. I do. I need for little but there are many things I want. Big things, small things, real or imaginary things, mundane or fantastical things, personal and universal things... Things I want to do, things I want to see, things I want to feel... Lots of wants I can explore in a month. So I thought a bit more about what I was uncomfortable with and I realised it is simply dealing with the phrase in my head, "I want...". Old programming runs deep.

I believe that language has power and although I acknowledge that the word "want", as verb or noun, covers the whole gamut of meanings above, I also know that for me to be comfortable with exploring a whole month of "want" I need to be clear about this. Under other circumstances I might explore the full range but this month, at this time of year and after last month, I would like (want) to concentrate mostly on the positive nuances of the word.  And so I'll need to rephrase the prompt in my head. But it's still about want.

So here's to a month of want. I'm in.

Now all I have to worry about is meeting the challenge of posting every day for a whole month, even if it is a short month. Uh-oh. Too late. I've signed up.

And I'd be delighted to have you share the exploration with me.