To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.
Mary Oliver
(1935-)
When I stand before thee
at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing.
Rabindranath Tagore
(1861-1941)
Today I became aware of just how fragile the healing is. How easily the fragments break apart still. And how painfully.
I wonder if it will it take 21 years to get over the 21 years we were together?
I wonder if I have the courage to keep putting it back together?
I wonder if it will ever function quite so well as before?
I wonder if it can ever hope to trust itself again?
I wonder if broken can be beautiful?
I wonder...
[Flickr credit]
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18 comments:
I'm sorry hon!! Sending love and strength!!!
we are strong some days ..some day not so much..
you can do it I am hopeful for you my sweet friend.
Trust me, it will not take anywhere near 21 years! You will heal on your own time, and don't listen to anyone who tells you to just get over it. Be gentle on yourself. The pain will ebb and flow, and then will just keep ebbing away. Those who get "broken" are the most beautiful, otherwise they are just kind of "blank". You will emerge even stronger, and when you are ready, a wonderful person will come into your new life, attracted to the beauty you have inside and out. As someone who has been there, I know!
You certainly express "broken" beautifully, and there is a little bit of comfort in being able to express it just right.
I'm sorry you are hurting.
Kendalee, I am sorry that you are suffering, you have made an incredible post of it.
Nobody knows how much time it gets healing but I am sure not 21 years.
Love
Sending hope, prayers, thoughts, and love. What a hard time.
Oh no. I'm sending many a good vibe in your direction!
Beautiful Kendalee-
21 years is a lifetime for some. 21 years is quite a chunk!
They say that the cracks let the light in, they say that time heals all, they say that what does not kill you , makes you stronger- the ubiquitous THEY! I am not sure who they are but pain of loss is such a deep undoing pain. No remedy. Winter does its worst, as well. I guess pain is just part of the human condition unless you are a light traveler like Ekhart or a total clown.
All I can say to you is that you are loved, you are not alone in your ache- there seems to be a lot of it going around. Is it any wonder that little kids have it sussed- carrying around a love blanket everywhere they go- or a teddy bear, or a bunny. I think that is why felting wool has become something I enjoy so much. The tactile security, the warmth and smell of the familiar- acceptable ,where as carrying around a stuffy minus his ears would seem insane...We must choose carefully...perhaps a pashmina shawl? Hug it around you and know that we are out here in bloguniverse loving you. Time and diversion, wish I could bottle those and send them in a hurry to you.
Coincidentally I have this same photo on my screen saver- the mosaic heart! I viewed it as a "make something wonderful out of broken pieces of stuff"...I hadn't seen it as damaged, more as rescued and put to good use as art!
Dear Kendalee, I am thinking of you. It can take a long time. But it will happen. Know that you are surrounded by love of many kinds from many people. It cannot replace what you've lost, but draw on it when you need to.
Hmmm, when I reread my comment I realise that it sounds rather funny! Of course I don't mean that the thinking of you can take a long time but that it will happen eventually! Oh dear, I wish I could express myself better. Anyway, you know what I meant ...
your post reminded me of an old sinead o'connor song, "thank u for loving me". the last line: "thank you for breaking my heart. thank you for tearing me apart. now it's a strong, stong heart. thank you. thank you for breaking my heart."
it's much better with sinead singing it than in type.
On NPR , while driving the pup to the groomer, A poem was read- one of the lines was "Do not dream backwards" I LOVE that and couldn't wait to tell you because I think it was intended for you...
I think there can be beauty in brokenness. That beauty rises out of the ashes.
I haven't been reading this blog long and I don't know you but I can see that you are beautiful.
I love you
~x~~o~
i weep as i read this. i weep for you. i weep for me. i am broken with you and deep within i know that in its fragility there is beauty.
Dear Kendalee,
i do hope your heart will soon, very soon finds some comfort and healing.
i'm so sorry to read this.
Sending you love...
You can do this. Your heart is so beautiful,you are so beautifuL!!!.Be gentle on yourself. Allow yourself the time to heal HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES. I love you!
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