Half full or half empty?

An interesting question posed here made me think about this again today.  

I'd probably like to describe myself as an optimist by nature.  But is it true? And do I in fact think it's better?

There are many days when I feel deeply optimistic or at the very least, hopeful. Days when I see the beauty and experience wonder and joy. Days when I like myself and my place in the world.  Days when the glass is half full.

But then there are days, perhaps as many, that I don't. Days when life hurts and I feel overwhelmed by sadness. Days when to look inwards is to see something ugly, or when to reach out into the world and see what exists there just makes me want to hide. Days, sometimes days on end, when the glass is half empty.

Pessimists and cynics like to refer to themselves as realistic and to optimists as deluded or even ignorant.  But is it more realistic to live with constant negativity than with a relentlessly positive view? No. I think not. Perhaps equally unrealistic.

To me, laying claim to one or the other, to the point of denying the alternative state completely, results in an equally unbalanced view.

So what is left? 

I choose to live consciously as far as I can.  This isn't always a safe or comfortable place to be. It's not always fun and it's not always happy. But it's not always awful or depressing either. It's a place where melancholy, frustration, and even despair sometime visit but don't live. It's a place where love, beauty and joy are welcome but not always evident.  Some days I choose which of these to invite through the door, some days they come in and take a seat despite the "do not disturb" sign. And I try to entertain them all, to some extent. They all have a part to play, enrich my life in some way, and have contributed to who I am.

When things are bad, I acknowledge that to myself (if not always to the world at large) and I seek the positive and uplifting as a means of achieving equilibrium. And when I find those (and I always do) I try to celebrate their existence as well. 

When things are good, I recognise that it is not that way in everyone's world and that mine too will pass through darkness again. I don't seek it out but see it as inevitable. Realistic. 

I ride it out either way. I try to live the moment and find the meaning in it. And I prepare for change. 

Overall, I strive for balance but not detachment.

So am I flighty and lacking in substance? Or moody and weighed down by too much?  I hope I'm neither. And a bit of both.

And does that make me a glass half-full or a glass half-empty sort of girl? Well, I think it depends on the day. And I'm okay with that.

[Photos from Flickr]