Some days:
~ I spend the whole day in my pyjamas not because it's a lovely leisurely thing to do (although I do that too) but because I just don't have the energy or the inclination to get dressed.
~ I eat bits of cheese, biscuits and leftover Christmas fruitcake because my fridge is bare and I can't be bothered to leave my flat to restock it. And they don't need to be cooked.
~ I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat because I've just done the most stupid thing ever and left a regular income and a 'good' job for a life of insecure everything. Idiot!
~ I don't feel in the least bit brave and independent and I'd give anything to have someone who would at least share the load if not carry it entirely for a while. And by 'load' I mean everything-little-thing, including changing lightbulbs and buying milk.
~ I wonder if I will ever be kissed again and the thought that I might not be makes me cry.
~ I really, really don't want to speak to anyone but I am cross because no one phones me so that I can let their call go to voicemail.
~ I do feel sad and sorry for myself and tempted to just wallow around in it despite how ridiculous it is and all that I know I have to be grateful for.
~ I dislike myself intensely for all of these things.
Not every day. Not even many days. But some days.
Fortunately, as my Nana always said, "Tomorrow is another day..."
.jpg)
.jpg)
4 comments:
Sometimes you have to wallow before you can pick yourself up......its the picking up that counts. Hugs! deb Read my most current post and you'll see i can add some water to your wallow........ :)
It has been a long time since I have felt like that , but indeed I have- nothing a little electro shock treatments won't fix, I thought, but instead I went for long vigorous walks- finding the real down and outers along the way, giving them a few dollars and my hat...( I regret the hat) feeling better for about a day. Maybe you could go out in your jammies, find a person who thinks they will never be kissed again, and kiss him! You may want to slam a few shots before you take this on...if nothing else it would make a hilarious post! I am sure that your jammies are attractive, so I don't think you will get busted by the fashion police...I see promise in this - you may find something other than a short stay in the mental ward...yes, you may find true love!
I think it is natural to feel like that some of the time, I know I do. But those jammies are a problem! I promise you, the moment you get out of them and dressed you feel better already. Anyway, I have looked in my crystal ball and you are definitely going to be kissed this year.
Why haven't I been here for you, my friend? I have belatedly been pouring through your blog and know this was now a while ago, that you are finding peace in your creativity, but I am so sorry you had to drudge through days like this. As I look back at the date... I think I was in my curled-up-on-the-kitchen-floor phase at the same time. Perhaps it was coincidence, perhaps it was the way the stars aligned, perhaps it was to show us the dark shadows so we can better see and appreciate the bright highlights.
Post a Comment