What counts

So it's probably a bit strange that I'm writing this on Christmas day but it's not really Christmas that's on my mind. Am I sad that I could not be with family and friends this year? Yes. Am I sad in general? No. In fact I've had rather a nice day... quiet and peaceful and full of lovely moments. I've seen, spoken to or heard from loved ones across the world, had some beautiful thoughtful gifts to unwrap and enjoy, plenty of yummy treats to eat and I'm left in no doubt that I'm cared for. What more could a person wish for at Christmas really?

What's on my mind though is not the holiday but work.

What's on my mind is how stretched and challenged and yet motivated I am.

What's on my mind is how I have to trust now, more than ever, that things will be okay and that I will be okay - better than okay.

Over the past few months I've been working out my notice as well as establishing the new business - both jobs in the time and space of one. It's been pretty hectic. A tad too hectic for my liking. They are fundamentally incompatible roles. Flexible as my employers were in trying to accommodate me so that I'd be able to run the two alongside one another on into the future (something that I did consider) the new venture requires time and flexibility that they just cannot offer me as an employee. And I'm more than ready to move on. I need to focus my energy on the new, not the old. So, as of Christmas Eve, I am now entirely self-employed.

The last few weeks and days in my old role were odd. It's inevitable I guess that a move this significant, after this length of time, would bring up mixed feelings. The outpouring of good wishes, hugs, gifts and general loveliness has been quite overwhelming. It made me sad to say goodbye to some of the people who've been my colleagues, my team, for years. And yet, I have no regrets. That's a sign I feel that I'm doing the right thing. The right thing for me, the right thing for now.

So what's on my mind today is how I am more pleased with my situation than not - scary and insecure as it is. That, although it's early days yet, the life that's unfolding for me feels right. That trusting my instincts is serving me well and I need to develop that. How grateful I am for people who care. How thankful I am for opportunities presented and how I must continue to exercise courage and take them. How being happy is here, now, not only on the horizon or beyond it. And that that's what counts.