When to start?

What seems to us bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.

Oscar Wilde

(1854-1900)

Next Monday, on the 1st of the month, on the 1st of the year, after this anniversary, before that Birthday, after the final session in this series, when the sun shines, when it next rains, when it snows, when the sun shines again, when I finish this book, when the washing's done, when the clock hits 11:11... there's always a reason to wait, another milestone to reach before starting to write here again. Before starting to look out into the world instead of curling in on myself and preserving what little energy I have for breathing.

Today's a pretty big milestone though. The beginning of a new and very important countdown. And so I think this has to be when.

For a long, long time it's felt too hard, too painful, too lonely, too dark, too much, too little, too empty... no words... locked in on myself. I've never been down quite as deep as this before, or for as long. I've never had to kick quite as hard to swim back towards the surface. But the surface feels in reach now.  So, I think this has to be when.

There's always a reason to wait. And then, suddenly, one day, there's no reason at all. Today was that day. So I think this has to be when. 

Just hit publish, Kenda, and you'll have started.... This has to be when.

[ Flickr loveliness credited here]