Unpacking Christmas, solo

Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.

Norman Vincent Peale

(1898-1993)

Instead of being a time of unusual behavior, Christmas is perhaps the only time in the year when people can obey their natural impulses and express their true sentiments without feeling self-conscious and, perhaps, foolish.

Francis C. Farley

(1919-2009)

Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.

Mary Ellen Chase

(1887-1973)

I've always loved Christmas. I am one of those people who gets completely swept up by the fun and whimsy of it all. I don't think it's essential to the spirit of the time, and I am not buying into the extreme excess that prevails in some quarters, but I love that we allow ourselves license to overdo things a little and be a bit silly. How else would my normally quite restrained and conservative colleague express the side of himself that dons those daft colourful ties he's wearing this month?

I love the gift-giving. It's just one of many ways to express how much people mean to me and it gives me such pleasure to search out the perfect token. They don't need to be expensive or elaborate but I experience something deeply satisfying in finding something I know will make someone smile. And anyone who suggests that they don't enjoy receiving a thoughtfully chosen, beautifully wrapped gift, I suspect is not being entirely truthful. I spend hours selecting or making gifts and even longer wrapping them, carefully embellishing each parcel with a personal touch of love.

I adore the decorations, and am always reluctant to take them down afterwards. Often it's only the deeply seated voice of my Nana telling me that it's bad luck to keep them up beyond the twelve days that makes me do it. What's not to like about decorating one's space with pretty, sparkly things, even if it's just a single bow or bauble?

I enjoy the food (which in my case should ideally include fresh watermelon to be complete - I grew up in the Southern hemisphere after all) and all the associated traditions of the festive season. To me it is not a time of particular religious significance but it has always been a time to spend with loved ones and to share a special heightened moment of warmth, beauty and togetherness.

So to this year... This year, through a combination of choice and circumstance, I will be spending Christmas alone. Entirely alone. For the first time ever in my forty plus years.

I generally enjoy alone time. A lot. And it's no longer than I've spent on my own on any average bank holiday weekend, so it should not be a big deal. I can't be with family and although I was invited to spend it with friends, the constraints of travel and time available away from work meant that it was not really a viable option, so I chose to decline the invitations. And in many ways, I've been looking forward to battening down the hatches and having a few quiet days to relax and think of or do nothing. But, as I said to a friend this week, now that the day draws nearer I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I think though that those feelings are more mixed than I've admitted to myself up to now. And I believe they explain why I have not yet started to feel or behave in very Christmassy way: no inclination to decorate or plan meals. I've written only a handful of cards and have hardly any urge even to shop for gifts, which I think is because I don't want to bring to mind all the people I love but won't be with this Christmas.

But, what I'd like to avoid is missing out on one of my favourite times of year, or sinking into sorryformyselfness, because I'm not. So it's going to be different. That doesn't mean it has to be miserable, does it? And I'm going to tackle that this weekend. Try to turn it around. On the agenda is:

• a wander around the Christmas market with friends from out of town
• mulled wine and mince pies, a Christmas story on dvd, and a pile of Christmas cards to write
• a glass of bubbly and a catch up with a former colleague, now friend, which has become an annual tradition and is always a good time
• finding my secret santa gift for work's festive luncheon next week
• putting up some decorations, even just a few, with the scent of a spicy candle or two to set the scene

If that doesn't get me in the mood, I don't know what will. I feel more Christmassy already, just thinking about it...

Whatever you are up to this weekend, I hope it's fun!

Happy Friday Lovely ones!

♥

p.s. apparently there's something wrong with my RSS feed. I don't know how or what I've done, and it was certainly inadvertent 'cause I don't even know how one switches it off. Or back on again. I have no idea how RSS feeds work, only I'm told that mine was and now isn't. So if there is anyone techie out there who could and would assist, I'd be most grateful... thank you!