Let the leaves fall where they may...

October is the fallen leaf, but it is also a wider horizon more clearly seen. It is the distant hills once more in sight, and the enduring constellations above them once again.

Hal Borland

(1900-1978)

To dare is to lose one's footing momentarily. To not dare is to lose oneself.

Soren Kierkegaard

(1813-1855)

Uncertainty will always be part of the taking charge process.

Harold S. Geneen

(1910-1997)

Destiny grants us our wishes, but in its own way, in order to give us something beyond our wishes.

Johann Wolfgang Goethe

(1749-1832)

This week has been a roller-coaster ride. There's been lots of activity - preparation, presentation, interview, travel, work, travel, work, waiting, work, waiting, waiting, waiting... and plenty of emotion - anticipation, nervousness, excitement, relief, acceptance, anticipation (again), frustration, uncertainty, waiting, waiting, waiting... and it goes on. The meeting I hoped to have on Thursday did not happen, as other priorities apparently took over (I wasn't advised, it just didn't happen) and I still don't know if I have the new position or not.

I would be lying if I said I felt great about this. The not knowing is horrible (even if I'm fairly sure of which way it's going to go) and I'm disappointed with how communication of the decision has been dealt with. Or not dealt with. And I'll be feeding this back when I have the opportunity to do so. Regardless of whether someone is to be offered the role or not, keeping them on tenterhooks way beyond the promised timeframe is unfair and inconsiderate. Even a "decision still not made, or unable to be communicated yet, watch this space..." communication is better than none. But nothing's been forthcoming at all. Nothing.

So, in the meantime, I wait. We all wait.

I must say it's been interesting to observe myself under these circumstances. Strange to see how on one level I've been able to continue to function as usual, and how on another my heart and mind have been occupied with how this has all been unfolding and my reactions to it. Rationally it's been okay. I'm reconciled to whatever the outcome is and I'm prepared to take on what comes next. Emotionally I've swung from hope to disappointment to uncertainty to acceptance to frustration and back to disappointment. Even verged on anger at one point yesterday. Right now, I'm feeling a bit like that leaf on the pavement above looks... calm, at rest, not crushed, but a little flat.

A weekend is the time to restore and revive energies though and this weekend promises a few great opportunities to do that. There's dinner with friends to look forward to this evening, some crafty bits to make, a book to finish, this lovely book to start, some blog browsing to enjoy, and an extra hour of sleep to look forward to as the clocks go back tonight. All good stuff. I'm determined to set the whole job saga aside for a little while and just relax and enjoy...

And who knows what next week will bring? Whatever it is, I'll be sure to share it.

Thank you again for all the lovely supportive thoughts and wishes that have been flowing my way - they've definitely helped me get through the somewhat darker moments this week (and there have been a few) - I appreciate that so much.

And I hope that whatever this weekend brings for you, it's a good one too!