...to pack a small bag and run away. Far away.
This beauty would suit my needs perfectly. I've always fancied owning a carpetbag.
This impulse to pack up and escape my life is not unusual for me at this time of year. And the urge to flee is strong.
I enjoy living in a place that offers all four seasons and I embrace the diversity of each, but I struggle a bit with winter. Particularly a winter that starts early and lasts long - and a winter that goes on beyond three months is a long winter for me. I am not designed for the cold. It enters my marrow and no matter how many layers I pile on or hot water bottles I invest in, nothing seems to properly dispel it. Probably has something to do with growing up in a warmer climate, where the ratio of warm to cold months is reversed. Or the fact that winters where I live now are relentlessly grey and dark when my heart and soul crave colour and light. Whatever the reason, by the time January is coming to an end, I've had enough. I want winter to be ending too. And of course it's not. Far from it.
This year I'm having an especially hard time and it's not just the weather I want to leave behind. In pursuit of integrity in all areas of my life, I'm recognising that there are certain situations and patterns of behaviour that need to be addressed. And some of them present a challenge. With my flight instinct heightened as it is by other factors (see above list of weather related woes), I entertain the thought that I'd much rather just abandon them and start anew, than tackle them as I usually would. The problem with that theory of course, is that wherever I go, I'd be there. And so would many of my troublesome behaviours. But the urge to flee is strong.
However appealing the idea of packing a small bag and running away to warmer climes and a re-invented me is though, it's not feasible. Or sensible. Or necessary. Winter's not great but it's not like I live in Siberia. And truly, my life is not bad, and my bad habits are not insurmountable. I have ways to cope with the cold and grey. I have many good things to focus on and be grateful for. I have the capacity to change the things that need to change. I don't need to run away. But the urge to flee is strong.
And it hits me every year.
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13 comments:
CARPET BAGS!!!! Love it!
Gorgeous bag!! I could have written this post!
I like how you wrote your way out of the dark mood:) I hope you have a great day tomorrow Kendalee.
oh wow, that bag!!! I want to pack up your woes in an imaginary fabulous bag so you get to experience living "free" of them. winter is a good time to pack them up and lose them at the imaginary train station. walk away in your mind and leave them behind. I love an imaginary journey and it often does wonders for my mood.
This is beautiful and heartfelt and I thank you for sharing it.
Winter can be a hard time of year let alone having to face things that are not easy to face. I wish you well and hope for more color and light for you. I know I could definitely use more of that these days. :)
Love the bag and I wish I could run away too or at least hide under my comforter all day... *ah* but alas we have obligations.. I love the post and best wishes for a better tomorrow!
I am with you Kenda! It is quite interesting actually but this year I notice a lot more winter blues posts around than the years before. Mmmm ... And I certainly feel them more than usual and I think you are kind of hitting it on the nail with your observations. They remind me of a phrase that keeps popping up for me lately: "If you do what you have always done, you get what you always got." So simple. So true. So not easy to change. Here is to more sunshine and color very soon :) K xo
Dear Kendalee- I so want to go too1 And it does happen every year usually in long dark cold lifeless february- I was just having this conversation with my friend today- we decided that a quick trip to Morrocco would be nice! So, we went to Vancouver BC instead to a shop that sells lovely items from sunny places! The air was bitter cold, snow still on the ground in large dirty clumps. the wind biting right through our many layers but we held a bit of sunshine in our bags. I would love to be warm all over about now...
Beautiful bag! I also sometimes feel it would be easier to run away and start afresh but as you say, I'll always be wherever I go.
Kerstin sums it up - do things differently.
Resist the urge...
Oh, dear Kendalee, I SO feel for you. The Little Cloud of Gloom seems to be universal, and must be so much more difficult to handle in cold, grey weather. As much as I want to see snow one day, I really would not like to spend that much time in dark, miserable weather. I think many people suffer from TLCoG at this time precisely because one is at the beginning of a new year, and so one feels that things (whatever) must change and be new and shiny, to match the new year, and of course reality doesn't always measure up. I am thinking of you, and hope you will drink lots of hot tea, and maybe treat yourself to some colourful, bright things - in your home and in your office - to remind you that spring IS on its way. And if you have to pack that bag, please remember that there is a little room in a little house in Cape Town waiting for you!
Hi, i know how you are feeling! I have the urge to escape often, especially this time of year. I hope you have a great bright day!
I think I'm always having those pack and runaway moments! I would love to bring this bag too.
Don't we all just go through this sometimes!
I appreciate your ability to be real and reflective about where you are in life and what is truly going on in your heart.
Integrity... the ultimate challenge.
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