Resolutions... yea or nae?

For me, nae.

I gave up on New Year resolutions some years ago. Not because I don't see the start of a new year as an opportunity to reflect on a year gone by and to consider a year to come. Not because I don't like to set goals and challenges and then set out to achieve them. Not because I have nothing that could do with improving or that I don't wish to pursue. But because I found that as soon as a "have to", "must" or "should" is attached to anything on a list for me (even if I am the one to attach it) it becomes a list of chores, and I don't like chores, even if I recognise that they are useful and necessary. And I am very good at avoiding chores. I will do almost anything to avoid doing things on a list like that. Or I tackle them quite unenthusiastically.

And then, when I do I get to the end of the year and I can't tick much off the list, I feel like a failure and I feel guilty for the failure and all the avoidance and procrastination, and I dread creating the next list... And so I create a wimpy set of new resolutions because I don't want to jinx the things that really matter to me by putting them on the list. And I end up with resolutions that don't really motivate me, resolutions I am uncommitted to, resolutions that I want to avoid... You see the cycle.

I broke the cycle by eschewing New Year resolutions of the traditional kind. But you know how I love a list. So I can't pass up the opportunity entirely. And for me it is largely about motivation. And semantics. A slight shift of perspective, of language, and I am able to face a new year with a list of things I wish to achieve, would really like to do, and have some intention to act upon.

And this is a list I review regularly, add to all the time, but don't even pretend I'm going to tick everything off of by the end of the year. It's a life list. And it's a long list. I also like to allow for the things that I don't anticipate, to have room to take advantage of opportunities that arise unexpectedly. To be able to go off-list...

So, my resolutions amount to choosing a value or idea to guide and focus me through the year (this year it was balance) and committing to doing at least one thing off the list or one new thing for every week of the year. Big things - like learning a new skill, replacing a bad habit with a good one, or making a lifestyle change - qualify.  As do little things - like eating something for the first time, finding a new route to work, or doing something fun that I haven't done since I was a child again, like flying a kite.

I don't always manage a full 52 but this way I know that I'll have done at least 50-odd things by the time the next year comes around. And that seems okay. It works for me.

This year I did these things:

• Started Tango again
  
• Ate Staffordshire oatcakes for the first time
  
• Visited four new cities in the UK
  
• Walked on a beach I'd never been to before
• Travelled to Africa meet my baby niece
  
• Took on a new job role
  
• Started a blog
• Completed a course in European film
  
• Started the process of naturalisation
• Saw some Gustav Klimt works I had never seen before
• Tasted pear cider
• Went to the science museum
  
• Met some great new people
• ...

I'll save you the entire boring thing but there are only 37 items checked off my list. Way below par. And I did not achieve balance, or anything like it. I hardly did anything creative, neglected my relationships, laughed too little, read too little, worked too long and too hard most days, surrendered my ability to sleep well, spent the last three months holding on by my fingernails to maintain my schedule, and reached the end of the year exhausted in body and soul. Not only was there a lack of quantity but there was a definite lack of quality. A friend of mine described my state as toxic. And she was right.

It was not a great year for me. I won't be that sorry to bid it farewell this evening.

I don't blame it on the system though. It's worked well for me before and I trust it to work well for me again. I have selected my new guiding word, and I've reviewed my list...

I have faith that 2009 will be better. That I will be better. That's my resolution.

For me, yea.

Are you thinking about your resolutions?

[Flickr credits]